Series: The Language of Love (Part 3)
Are you familiar with the book called Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (https://amzn.to/49jyxBz) ? That well-read book describes the general approach to how men and women typically communicate. However, expressing love can be a bit different.
We have to determine whether love is different based on genders or based on personalities. I believe you cannot relegate the different languages of love to genders because that would be an oversimplification.
Emily Sohn wrote about a study (https://www.nbcnews.com/id/wbna45826248) that counters the myth that women are more romantic than men. She says, “Most people think that women are the first to say, ‘I love you’ in a relationship, but men most often say it first.” She also quoted Josh Ackerman (a social psychologist at the MIT Sloan School of Management): “If somebody is saying ‘I love you’ before sex happens, it probably does pay to be a little more skeptical about it.”
Ackerman’s research found that 65% of people think that women are the first to say, “I love you,” in a relationship. Also, they found that 85% of people think that women are the first to develop serious feelings. However, Sohn states: “Two subsequent studies, in which people who ranged in age from their mid-20s to their 60s reflected on their current or most recent relationships, showed that men actually declare love first about 70% of the time.”
Dr. Peggy Drexler wrote (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/our-gender-ourselves/201109/why-cant-men-love-women) “Why Can’t Men Love Like Women?” She pointed out that women often get frustrated by the way men often display love. She wrote, “To jigger the famous line from Sex and the City, it’s not that he’s not into you; it’s just that the expression gets hung up in the netting of a woman’s expectations of expression as proof of existence.”
Drexler also pointed out that there is an ongoing misunderstanding in research and science. She wrote, “Current research confuses the issue… particularly the study by Rutgers University biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, whose study of 5,000 American adults found that men are becoming more interested in commitment and attachment, and women are more interested in relationships that allow them a degree of independence.”
She believes it is a biological factor and not just a social one. She wrote, “As reported on the Uncommon Knowledge website, there may actually even be survival instinct at work. It takes longer for a man’s blood pressure and immune system to return to normal after high emotion than it does for a woman.”
It is important to understand that men are not insensitive. Men do typically have deep emotions, but they express them differently. Men need to understand this, so they can understand how to express their love. Also, women need to understand this, so they do not jump to conclusions when their love language is not used.
Be sure to learn more about this by checking out the book below (just click the picture).
